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November 5, 2016

Groaners Rebooted: the pre-quel

Mutt: Howdy Doody, Your Royal Jeff-ness.
Jeff: Does Howdy doody?, I ask. In the woods? Next to the Pope and his bear? There's a question worth asking.
Mutt: You know I was wondering why sharks live in salt water.
Jeff: That's easy. Pepper water makes them sneeze.
Mutt: So why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Do you know that?
Jeff: Because they lactose.
Mutt: Oowah!
Jeff: And do you know how Moses makes tea?
Mutt: How?
Jeff: Hebrews it.
Mutt: Oh, Israeli how he does it?
Jeff: Really. And what about the guy who got crushed to death by a pile of books?
Mutt: He's only got his shelf to blame.
Jeff: I found out yesterday that one of my ancestors invented the glove. Well, he didn't actually invent it, but he had a hand in it.
Mutt: Know how to make an elevator sad? By depressing all the buttons.
Jeff: And when you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
Mutt: Easy come, easy go. Just saying.
Jeff: Did you bet on the World Series?
Mutt: The 1908? 'Course, I bet on everything. Lost, though.
Jeff: Do you know why the stadium heated up after the baseball game?
Mutt: I guess because all the fans left.
Jeff: And the best thing about Switzerland?
Mutt: That I don't know, but their flag's a huge plus.
Jeff: I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
Mutt: Okay, but did you hear what the pirate said on his 80th birthday?
Jeff: Aye Matey.
Mutt: For the love of Mike.
Jeff: And Bud Fisher (1907, San Francisco Chronicle)