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November 1, 2016

Groaners 2: Back With a Vengeance

Mutt: It's not your fault.
Jeff: Why do you keep saying that?
Mutt: That's what they say on TV. You know, Special Agent Gibbs sits next to a kid who just killed his family and says ...
Jeff: Did you hear about the guy who burned his Hawaiian pizza?
Mutt: What? Oh man, he should have put it on aloha setting.
Jeff: 6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
Mutt: Ugh. So what do you call a fish with two knees?
Jeff: Um... a tunee fish?
Mutt: What do you call an alligator that wears a vest?
Jeff: Dunno.
Mutt: An investigator, of course.
Jeff: Of course. And why do milking stools have three legs?
Mutt: Milking stools?
Jeff: You didn't milk cows when you were growing up in the Bronx?
Mutt: No, but I know the answer. Why do milking stools have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.
Jeff: Congrats. And what do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Mutt: I know this one. It's ... doyouthinkhesaurus.
Jeff: Congrats. And what do you call a blind dinosaur's dog?
Mutt: Doyouthinkhesaurus Rex.
Jeff: So a limbo champion walks into a bar ... and loses his title.
Mutt: A Roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says, "Five beers, please."
Jeff: The bartender says, "We don't serve time travellers here." Two time travellers walk into a bar.
Mutt: I walked into an electronics store the other day, and I saw a TV in the window for sale. The sticker said, "TV for sale, volume stuck on full. 1$." So I thought to myself, "Wow, I can't turn that down!"
Jeff: What was on?
Mutt: Agent Gibbs telling a kid, "It's not your fault."
Jeff: Special Agent.
Mutt: Then I left his office, and I farted in the elevator.
Jeff: I know, I know, it was wrong on so many levels.