The Quarantine Chronicles, Day 63

DAY 63: A year of magical thinking

and happy talk --

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!

it's almost over, we'll be okay

the human sacrifice

has been made, the price to pay

magical thinking and happy talk

let's reopen our mouths

and let it all come crashing out

the criticism, the hate, come crashing in

you say, it's reckless

unconscionable?

but, listen, we CAN'T! TAKE! IT! ANY! MORE!

so we're gonna force back

normality, open the bars

like after prohibition

what a celebration!

let's get livin'

jivin' an' divin', high-fivin'

somebody's gonna die

but it won't be me 'cause

I have my magical thinking

and happy talk TV

happy talk reality

we're finally inside

a world of reality TV

we live next to the Bradys

with Truman and Trump

an eternal blue sky

and a required mass suicide

     got to keep the customer satisfied

     so satisfied.

The Quarantine Chronicles, Day 62

DAY 62: Vietnam was my Vietnam.

Not HIV/AIDS or the more recent

pointless wars, I grew up with

nightmares about Vietnam, it

consumed my teen years, it was

the monster in my closet, the

huge black shadow over the boy

-- today, in 2 months, in the U.S.

(the Vietnam killer) the number

of dead from the horrible virus

surpassed the 58,000 of a 10-year

war -- my God, my God!

If Vietnam changed my whole

life -- the protests, marches

loneliness (of being anti- in a pro- 

town), the fear (of my 2-years in 

prison, expected but not accepted)

if I'm still scarred 50 years

later like all men my age who

went or didn't, then what will

happen inside this generation
of the covid-war, the climate-war

the scarred for life who might

still live in 2100? 

What part of the soul is their Vietnam 
War? that place burnt with a white-

hot iron, cauterized but unbear-

ably painful, hypertrophic scar tissue 

never to be soft again -- a 60-day 

Vietnam -- the horror,

the indescribable horror.

The Quarantine Chronicles, Day 61

DAY 61: Are we learning yet?

What really matters

does your hair matter

does your car matter

does reconnecting with old high

school friends matter?

does art, reading, movies, music

does healing, hospitals, health

are we learning yet?

what are those rich bastards

doing with all that public money

they're cheating out of us

while so many suffer

like they want to highlight

that they're cleaning up during

the plague -- over here look

at pathetic infantile black soul

million-dollar me, building my big

pile in the face of you can't take 

it with you -- you don't matter

you don't exist, I'm trying to

stay alive, I'm trying to stay

sane and prosper, thrive

in a pandemic -- yes, not 

merely survive but grow, change

reach some maturity big enough

to take this all in, to understand

the shaky ground under my feet, right 

now -- two naked people in the

garden eating fruit

and then all this.

The Quarantine Chronicles, Day 60

DAY 60: You're throwing numbers at me

I don't trust your numbers, I do not

believe, I think you're bending them

to get your desired equation, if

the numbers tell us to party, we

must party, unless you believe

the books are cooked, the dead

unaccounted for, the sick underestimated

the recurrence certainty ignored

-- it really is money über alles

we're really factoring in numbers

of people who will die

for the Dow, to open the bars

for the private beaches -- hell,

summer is coming fast!

profits are down, those numbers

unemployment up, deficit

spending funny money a

government simply prints

-- but the scientists told us

what digits count, how to count

who counts, two plus two

a two-week down curve min-

imum before reopening -- seven

states said screw that we're

opening now, get a head start

on the second wave -- look

around, it's not working in

other places -- can we not

behave appropriately?

The Quarantine Chronicles, Day 59

DAY 59: Call my country Dis-

appointment, call my country

Shame, the United States of Shame

to blame, we can pin all our

troubles on the government and

its supporters, run the scapegoat

out of the village -- easy, but

not that easy, the system doesn't work

didn't work, isn't working

people praise the brave, praise

the self-sacrificing heroes

working in deprived conditions

people call for a new public

health system like in Europe

yeah, yeah, then I could go home

but no, no, I can't go home again
the whole house of cards 
collapsed, the mighty mighty

U.S.A. is a failed superpower

you failed, too big to fail?
too big to succeed
a tottering giant brought 
down by a germ
 -- shame in aeternum

you couldn't get your act

together and still can't, why

not? no time for queries, fact:

you failed, everyone, everywhere

-- yes some intentionally,

some are friends with the apoc-

alypse -- but all failed and

people died for nothing --

for nothing, they died when

they didn't need to, they should

not have died, they're still dying
and this reopening is absurd
Absurd America:
 -- get your shit together!

The Quarantine Chronicles, Day 58

DAY 58: Grandpa, back in the COVID

plague of 2020, what did you do

all day? You had about 100 days

cloistered at home, with almost no

distractions or responsibilities, 
did you invent things

or come up with grand ideas 
to save us all? 

Well, let's see if I can 
remember ... we watched TV

a lot, that I remember, hours and 

hours, the news obsessively and

all those terrible shows they

used to make.
What else?

Not that much, we ate too much,

lots of sugar and salt snacks

and mostly sat on couches in

our pajamas.
You couldn't go out to eat,

so what foods did you miss?

Fast food. -- Oh, yuck.

I don't get it, you had a

unique opportunity, 100 free days

help yourself, help someone else
couldn't you do something better?

I guess we were scared and confused 

and weak, we waited and hoped

we wouldn't be the next to die.

What about living?
Sometimes we tried, but everyone was 
bored and depressed, "too depressed

to get dressed" we said, so not

much happened until we could

finally go outside again.
You mean before the second wave?
Yeah, the giant tsunami.
But didn't you know that that 

would happen? It was so obvious!
Sure, we knew, and

went out anyway.

[Now, make a movie about that
I dare you.]

The Quarantine Chronicles, Day 57

DAY 57: Who's dying?

They're dying

or we're dying?

We are

you are us, we are you

old and sick -- or not,

160 doctors of medicine

in Italy up to today --

say their names out loud* --

we die with you

alone and afraid

we mourn with your families

we can't breathe

in the 'us' and 'them' of some

perverted religion: we

righteous, you damned,

that became international politics

blue / red -- all blood -- vein / artery

all the same

no 'them', no 'other', all us

we, We the people, WE. THE. PEOPLE.

same blood coming and going, same

breath, same death,

for all, rich and poor, the

1% die 1% of the time, we

99, we're losing ourselves

fast, so fast we can't fill out the forms --

remember any one loved one gone

that gut punch, head spin --

how can we expect ourselves

to repeat that shock for

5, 5000, 50000?

only by being part of the whole

organism, that's losing precious cells,

can we get it all, as we dying

we, all around the world

and it hurts.

*see list in comments

The Quarantine Chronicles, Day 56

DAY 56: I hear my neighbor slam

his door, his daughter wife and

dog, that front door slams all

day long -- where are they going
all the time? --

during a total lockdown? --

the regulations -- for our own

good -- say out once a day, 100

meters away, dog shit: check -- once

a week groceries/pharmacy -- we're

all taking this expensive tablet

to boost our immune systems and
making cakes to ease the pain -- and

that's it, that's all, #iorestoacasa -- so 

the slammers are cheating clearly -- they're 

going out to see their friends, 

relatives, cheat when the cops

turn their backs -- that's so Italian -- 

actually it's not, all us other

Italians are hunkered down

admirably, turtles closed in shells, 
obeying better than anyone -- way better 
than Americans with their silly

jogging on the beach -- the Brits,

the Swedes, what a pity! vilken skam.

So anyway my question is,

if I can remember it: Are

people who obey the rules

better people? Think peons
think automatons, fanatics

authoritarians, think sheep

fascists, zealots, think racists,

bigots, sexists -- when the powerful 
love rules -- for others to obey -- 
should we rebel with fists raised?

Question Authority? Stick it to the
Man? Down with Big Brother? 
Fight Imperial Stormtroopers?

or queue quietly, passively

accepting our roles as lookouts
on the castle wall signalling the
approach of the infected enemy

thusly avoiding the Black Plague --

is a virus a political absolute?
does a pandemic require acquiescence?
is cause and effect a measure of
our belief in the scientific method
and our rebuke of God creator?

-- if only we were better

people.

The Quarantine Chronicles, Day 55

DAY 55: If I'm writing

about this

I must have it all

figured out

I must be reacting

to something

I understand, poets

are wise, no?

No! I have no clue

what I'm going through

I have no idea

what's happening inside

or out, I hear voices

in languages, words

I know singly

but together they

form the music

of overwhelming chaos,

the song of way way

too much to process

to cope, to be home with

I retreat into a

locked closet but

even there I know

nothing, I see hear

speak nothing
I am foolish

I retreat into

so-called mindfulness,

to no avail

comprehend the cosmos

sorry, can't, 

I'm only human

perhaps my descendants

can star trek out

and capture it all

embrace in our one

trillion brain-cells, one

zillion concepts.

but I'm too lost, sad

afraid, angry and overwhelmed

-- everyone's talking about

the end -- not of the virus

but of our response -- that

seems insane, but what

do I know?

nothing.

The Quarantine Chronicles, Day 54

DAY 54: Fun is dead, lots are dead

men my age are dead, people who

look like me, business is dead. --

they keep telling us -- and relations

are dead, COVIDivorce and Corona-

murder, but numbers don't lie --

yes, they do -- too many people

dead, and fun is dead.

Will we ever have fun again?

cinema, food courts, amusement

parks, beaches, mountains

concerts, plays, dance, art --

whatever you used to do for fun

-- dead. sit at home and cry,

sit at home and whine: I wanna

go out and have some

fun -- the sage says find your

fun within -- screw the sage,

I want my fun! I want to drive

somewhere, singing in the back

seat of the station wagon with my

brothers trying to see a white horse

in a pasture on my side on the

way up to Yosemite Valley, where

we can rent bikes and every

night there's a campfire

program at Curry Village

and -- I'm old -- then the 

Fire Fall -- everybody on the

count of three -- Let the

FIRE FALL !!!

The Quarantine Chronicles, Day 53

DAY 53: Let's just say that you

no, let's say I infected someone

else, I had mild-to-no symptoms

but I was positive for COVID-19, and

unknowingly went out, touched,

inhaled and exhaled, and someone

got the crud from me, I have proof (they 
don't) no doubt -- who would I feel?

would I be wracked with guilt, would

I jump off the balcony like so many

others -- oh wait, nobody's jumped

yet, I could go first -- wait, maybe I

wouldn't feel guilty at all, it's not like

murder in the first degree -- and penance?

can I make it up to the families of

all those whose deaths I caused?

I could go to each survivor and

beg forgiveness -- would I? how

could I make good? here's some

money, I'm really sorry -- all acts

and words useless -- see where

I'm going with this? -- the virus has killed

people of all kinds everywhere, yet

it has also killed guilt and penance --

nothing, nothing, what is left?

no mourning, no one to blame, no

blame, no payment, no consequ-

ences, it's just too 
much, too strong,

everything is 
wiped away,

tsunami-style.